You may be wondering how in the world I can get to those thoughts just from looking at this picture. I'm guessing that you know me enough to expect the explanation to follow. And you are right in thinking that!
I recently had the privilege of sharing a bit of my testimony at an Emmaus gathering. In order to help everyone better understand what makes me tick, I shared two incidents that have largely shaped my ability to receive love. The first being my father leaving and the second being my husband's admission in the early years of our marriage that "I just don't love you the way a man is supposed to love his wife." My father never told me that he didn't love me, but his actions spoke louder than his words to me. In my husband's case, unfortunately, the words have a way of playing over and over in your mind, never really leaving you. If my dad didn't love me enough to stay and my husband had enough guts to say what my dad hadn't, then I didn't seem to have a very good track record as far as being worthy of love. Throw in my other life experiences and a girl can start to believe that even God Himself wouldn't be interested in loving her.
So that's where I subconsciously lived for a very long time even after I came to faith in Christ. If I am honest, I have to admit that I still struggle with this on a daily basis. This feeling that I am something to be tossed aside. That hardships are proof of God's displeasure with me. That I am somehow missing something and will never get "IT," whatever that it may be. That I will inevitably be rejected by those that I allow to get close to me. . .
I shared on Saturday night that I have always known that God loved me in my head. Somehow, though, I could never really believe it in my heart. The people in my life had told me otherwise. It has taken many years for me to see that my heavenly Father and Husband are not like my earthly ones.
A friend approached me after my testimony and wanted to share a thought about believing God's love in your head, but not in your heart. It was really quite beautiful. Before I tell you what he said, though, I want you to take a second and refer back to the picture at the top of this page. Now think about that rushing water as I quote him... "It's a good thing that water always flows down. You've got the Living Water that flows down from your head and right into your heart." Let that sink in for a moment.
In my case, His mighty rushing waters flowed down from my head and brought a stirring up and cleansing of those stagnant places in my heart. He knows that without circulation, the healing will not come. I am not a health professional, but I know that in the cases of frostbite and foot binding, that the circulation, though necessary, is extremely painful. It brings life and healing which leads to believing. Really believing. Whenever I see a waterfall from now on I will think of Christ, the Living Water, and how He flowed down from my head and into my heart. What a blessing!
Will I sometimes be tempted to forget that? Probably. But there's hope for me because my God never gives up on me. He isn't finished with me. He will be faithful to complete that which He's begun in me.
Lord, I know that whenever You reveal something to me the enemy works hard to snatch it from me. Strengthen me to resist the attacks when they come. Cause me to cling to You, remembering your goodness. When doubts begin to overwhelm my resolve to believe You, flood my heart with Your Living Water. Stir up those ugly things that have sunk to the deepest recesses of my heart and move them out. Glorify Yourself through my life. In the strong name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
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