Rejoice!

We found this adorable Spotted Salamander on one of our nature challenges not too long ago. I loved her the moment I saw her!!! Truly, a huge smile always finds my face whenever I see this picture. At first, I thought that it was solely due to the fact that it was a special night full of memories, but it didn't take long for me to hear that all familiar whisper.

Thank You, Lord, for speaking to me wherever I look - even days after I've seen something.

Yes, this was a beautiful night. Thinking that the weather conditions might be right for the salamander migration, my daughter and I ran over to the site at the last minute. Although a bit creepy on the hike down, we eventually ran into friends on their way home and were reassured. We pressed on and were rewarded with an almost exclusive tour of the migration that was happening just as we got there! It was so cool to finally see these mysterious creatures on the move. When I got home and saw this picture, I thanked God for such a memorable night with my daughter - a love gift from Him.

Thank You, Lord, for all of the gifts that You bless me with on a daily basis that reassure me of Your love for me.

It only took another day before this picture spoke to me in a different way. I looked at it and realized that it needed a caption saying, "Smile! Jesus Loves You!!!" It was another reminder from Him about the joy I am to have in Him despite my circumstances. There were things that I was feeling less than joyful about, and seeing what looks to be a huge grin on that salamander's face caused me to think (again) that I have plenty to smile about because of Christ.

Lord, as we approach this Passion Week, thanks again for the reminder to stay my focus on You. Let me fully grasp and appreciate what you have done for me. I pray that thanksgiving will pour out of me, evidenced by a joyful countenance.

Fast forward another week or so and the Lord continues to speak to me through this picture. Approaching holidays tend to bring my melancholy nature to a full boil, and lately has been no exception. I don't like feeling sad - it's no fun! Well, it's even less fun when someone lashes out at you for lovingly encouraging them to consider whether some parts of their life are matching up with how He tells us to live in His Word. Yucky words from upset people are no fun! God in His goodness reminded me, "Remember that passage you just memorized, but couldn't relate to? You know, the one about rejoicing when people are mean to you because of Me?" He was right! (Of course!) It did give me occasion to rejoice. And His Word was once again alive to me in a new way - a way that causes me to appreciate Him all the more.

What would I do without You, Lord? You are my everything. I stumble through this life and You are the One who anchors me securely. You are my firm foundation when the ground feels crumbly beneath my feet. Thank You for taking such pains to speak to me so incrementally through this picture. You are so patient with me! I smile to think of Your tender love towards me. It's a small, gentle smile, unlike the broad "smile" on this lady salamander's face, but I'm counting on You to transform it and me. Fill me with JOY in Your presence, Lord, so much so that my smile will make this salamander's pale in comparison. In the name of Jesus, the Name above all names, Amen.

One Becomes Two

Appropriately enough, I came across this tree while hiking with my daughter recently. It immediately stood out to me, causing my mind to search for what it was that the Lord was speaking to me through it. As clear as could be, I heard the whisper: "This tree is like you and Anna-Frances." I paused to snap the shot, telling her, "I like this. It reminds me of us." Being the attention-starved middle child, this statement caused her to fairly glow and I was rewarded with a dazzling smile. As I walked along with her, I thought of ways that we were like the tree, sharing each with her. Needless to say, it was a very special time!

I thought aloud about how she had started off inside of me, and how she had come into the world, now suddenly apart from me. One had become two. Thankfully, little ones really depend on us for a good while and I somehow always felt for the longest time that my daughter was an extension of me. I think it did help to soften the separation a bit. In so many ways, we've shared moments of "being one" and I am truly thankful for that.

A few things have caused me to think back to when she came into our lives. I was so excited to finally have a daughter. The Lord showed me right from the start the importance of training her in the things of Him. If anyone were to ask me when my prayer life was at its strongest, my answer would be during my pregnancy with her. It seems like all I ever did was pray. It was a time of steady growing in my relationship with the Lord.

As I grew in Him, I thought of this baby growing within me. Soon she would leave the protection of my womb and enter this world. This place where life can be so hard. In an almost desperate act, I vowed to get God's Word planted in her before she was even born. I dug out my husband's ancient cassette tapes of the Bible and played them to her in my belly while resting, doing devotions, or spending time in prayer.

Inevitably, things slowed down for several years after her birth. We still prayed and went to church, but life was beginning to get in the way. We were deeper into our homeschooling and facing different life circumstances. It seemed like curve ball after curve ball came flying our way. I think that the Lord, knowing how I missed that quality time with Him and that "oneness" with her, laid it on my heart to begin reading through His Word with her. He is so wise!!! Our five-year journey through the Bible was truly one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced.

I reminisced about all of these things while walking with her, realizing how she has begun shooting off from me like the tree pictured above. I know that we have only gotten to where we are today by His grace and strength. I could never have done all that it has taken in my own strength.

 My heart overflows as I think of the many times that we've prayed together or when she has been very in tune with the Spirit. I remember how I rejoiced when she made the decision to show publicly that she is His through baptism. And I am thankful to see fruit in her - evidence that she does, indeed, embrace Him as her Lord. Though I will continue to pour myself into her, it really feels like she has reached a place where her faith is her own and she is walking the path He has for her. How exciting! And so we've become two.

Lord, in this quiet moment I bow before You. I am utterly humbled by Your grace. To think that You would bless me as You have fills me with awe. Not only that, but You have instructed and equipped me! You would never call me to something that You did not plan to strengthen me to finish. You are amazing! Thank You for the gift of this precious daughter and for impressing it upon my heart to be intentional about teaching her of the things of You. I am grateful for Your Presence guiding me in the way I shold go. Continue the work that You have begun in each of us, Lord. Let us shine for You, never compromising, always growing in grace and abounding in love. I know that You are able to do more than I could ever ask or imagine. I can't wait to see what You'll do! In the strong name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

My Love Story

This Valentine's Day has me dwelling on the love story God wrote for John and me. I so clearly see His hand in bringing us together. Truly, if it were up to either of us, we would never have crossed paths. I marvel when I think of how He frustrated each of our plans in order to lead us to one another.

You see, John originally planned to go into the army. Despite a fear of heights, this husband of mine thought it'd be a fabulous idea to earn a few extra bucks by jumping out of airplanes. God had other plans, though, and the army evidently was not a part of them. With that possibility eliminated, John considered working on a cruise ship. I chuckle when I remember this since he absolutely hates water and cannot swim a lick. You guessed it - that idea didn't pan out either. As a last resort, he ended up working at the amusement park Cedar Point.

As for me, I graduated highschool and went away to the University of Toledo. I planned to be an elementary school teacher. That is, until people began discouraging me about how little compensation I'd receive in this field. What if I ended up raising my kids alone like my own mother had? I really should pick a job that would afford a comfortable life if that were the case. Many people encouraged me to go into the nursing field and the pay really was pretty good. I talked to my adviser about switching over to classes needed to enter the nursing field. And what of my germ and fear of blood issues? I was sure I would be fine once I started to get used to it, afterall I needed to do everything I could to ensure that all elusive security. Of course, God had other plans for me that did not include becoming a nurse or even gaining security. After two semesters of college, I discovered that I needed to earn money to continue my education. My step mom "happened" to spy an article in the newspaper that spoke of an upcoming employment fair at, you guessed it, Cedar Point.

Of course, I went to the job fair, secured a position, and everything was perfectly lined up to meet John. Not only did I meet him, but I did so on the very first day I moved in. His friend was dating my roommate and they had come over to visit. That was on March 31st and we began dating on April 19th. One year later we got married on April 19th, the anniversary of the day we began dating. It wasn't long before we learned that our first child was on his way - I had gotten pregnant just three weeks after our wedding day! We figured it was time to lay down roots in John's home town of Akron. From that point on, any thoughts of school for me would sit on the shelf while I poured myself into being a wife and mother.

Though I can see without a doubt that God meant for us to be together, I've got to say that it has been terribly difficult. Both of us came into our relationship as very broken individuals with enormous amounts of baggage. Add to that the fact that we did not have the advantage of living a life submitted to Him for the first half of our years together, and you've got a ticking time bomb. I cringe to remember the times when we have given up on one another and our marriage, even to the point of going to the courthouse and picking up divorce papers. It is a true testament of God's grace in our lives that we are still together just weeks away from our 20th wedding anniversary.

This brings me to the story that goes behind the picture for this post. Since we have struggled so desparately in marriage, it has given us a degree of hypersensitivity towards the struggles that others have in this area. Having been there ourselves, we have compassion. Knowing how we felt, we can relate. Being aware of what has strengthened us aids us in praying for those facing struggles. And pray we do! It has become a sort of ministry for us. We like to tell people that we will go to war for their marriage. To date, we have stood in the gap and done battle for many a couple. Out of the ashes of our nearly exterminated union, has risen a very beautiful prayer ministry. We love to pray for marriages! If you know us, there's a good chance we've prayed for your marriage. If you don't yet have a spouse, there is a good chance that we have prayed for your future marriage - for Him to prepare you and your future spouse for the time when you will be one.

There was a time, not too many years ago, where it seemed that divorce was everywhere we looked. I think we counted twelve or thirteen marriages that had ended in divorce or were heading that way. Even more disheartening was the fact that the majority of them were Christian marriages! One particular day, I ran into a friend who I had been trying to encourage in her marriage. I had been calling, praying, and sending little notes... but she had been avoiding me like the plague. I was thrilled to run into her and spent some time talking with her and asking some tough questions. She answered truthfully, but her mind was pretty much already made up by that point. I got into the car discouraged, shaking my head in frustration. I lamented to John how I had been fighting hard for this couple's marriage, but she didn't even care. I brought up a few more couples that I had been fighting hard for and who seemed to not care either. I looked at him and said, "There is no way that we should even be together after all that we have endured, yet here we are. Why are we here, but they aren't at this place of reconciliation? I fought for them!!! Who fought for us that we should be here?" John just looked at me and said, "I don't know. I guess we just fought for each other." That pretty much ended our conversation, but my heart remained heavy until the next day when I was reading in my Bible. I had come to the place at the end of Joshua's life as he was addressing Israel. I nearly fell over when my eyes came upon Joshua 23:3b: "it was the LORD your God who fought for you." Tears flooded my eyes as the beauty of the words soaked into my heart. Of course! It had been the Lord who had fought for us all along. How could I not have seen it sooner?

The above picture is one of the wildflower Skunk Cabbage. When I came upon this shot, I immediately thought of how it looked like an army. Today, as I reflect on the love story God gave to me, it reminds me of how He fought for my marriage... and I am thankful.

Heavenly Father, I praise You for the good plan that You are working out in my life. Thank You that You know better than I do what is best for me. I trust You to open and close doors in my life in accordance with the path You want my feet to walk. Thank You for the doors that You have slammed shut up to this point, steering me where You would have me go. Help me to always be mindful of You at work in my life, Lord. May I always be thankful, never grumbling, about each new circumstance, fully recognizing Your sovereignty. Lord, I thank you so much for providing just the right husband for me. Thank You for fighting for us when we would have given up on one another. I am comforted that You have kept us these twenty years and I cling to the promise found in Exodus 14:14 that You will fight for us; we need only to be still. Help me to be still - to tune my ears to what You would whisper to me. And always, help me to obey when I hear You.

Your dearly loved daughter, Tamra.

Set Apart

I received a 4:30 AM wake-up call from the Lord this morning. When it became plain that I was going to be awake for a while, I slipped from beneath the covers and crept downstairs. I took advantage of the first hour or so to do some housework, shooting arrow prayers up for friends as He brought them to mind. I was eventually able to sink into the couch with a hot cup of tea, my Bible, and devotions. I would not let this precious chance to be with Him slip away - especially since He had arranged for me to have it in the first place!

I happen to be finishing up the book of Leviticus in my daily reading. To be honest, this particular book of the Bible probably ranks near the bottom on my scale of likeability. I respect it as God's Word, but I've found myself on several occasions petitioning Him to speak to me through it and make it come alive for me. I have discovered that He loves those kind of prayers and is usually more than happy to oblige. This morning was no exception as I asked and He delivered. I knew I was hearing from Him as soon as I read it: "Be holy because I, the LORD your God am holy" (Leviticus 19:2). I was excited to have heard from Him and filed it away until the time when He would reveal more to me.

I came across the tree in the above picture a bit later while hiking with friends. I paused in front of it, admiring its beauty. As I began snapping pictures and really soaking it in, I couldn't shake the feeling that He was speaking to me. But what?  I sensed that I would be writing something about this tree and even told my friend so. It wasn't until hours later that I finally "got" that He was reaffirming the Scripture He had given me that morning.

You see, one of the thoughts I had when I came upon this tree was that it resembles camouflage. That word, camouflage, kept coming to me. "Camouflage, Lord? You want to talk to me about camouflage?" He wasn't giving me any help. I tossed it around in my head a bit and thought about how people and animals use camouflage. "Okay, they use it to blend in." Do you remember the verse I gave you this morning, Tamra? Be holy because I, the LORD your God am holy. That was it! I had felt Him impress upon my heart the importance of being holy and set apart. He reminded me through this tree's appearance that He has not called me to blend in with this world. I am not to fly safely under the radar undetected. If I live the way He wants me to, it is guaranteed that I will stand out. People should recognize that there is something different about me and be drawn to the One who continues to transform me. Amazing!

Precious Lord, thanks for encouraging me to live my life for You in a way that causes me to stand out. I realize that You telling me to be holy (and set apart) does not mean that I should wall myself off from those who are not like me. On the contrary, I am 100% positive that You have been calling me to love others in a more radical way over the past several months. Choosing not to blend in with those around me does not hinder my ability to love like You've called me to love. Help me to love like that, Lord. Strengthen me to live for You in a such a way that others take notice. When they do take notice, I ask further that You would give me just the right words to explain the reason for the hope that is within me. Please keep my heart soft towards You and my ears sensitive to anything You would speak to me. When I hear from You, I pray that I will quickly obey You. Help me decrease so that You can increase and do Your thing through me. In the strong name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

He Knows My Name

     As is often the case, I came across this striking wildflower while hiking last summer. Not recognizing it, I snapped a picture, planning to look for it in my field guide when I returned home. After a bit of investigation, my guess would be Great Lobelia, though I can't say that with certainty. I'll eventually get around to checking with a naturalist to see if I've got a postitive ID. I find it incredibly exciting to discover names for the different things I encounter in nature. Beyond nature, I find satisfaction in knowing people by their names. I am that geek who reads through directories and will ask you five times what your name is until I get it. Why is that? I think it can be connected to the desire to know and be known.

     I recently found myself in a postion where someone was trying to envision me without the benefit of a picture. She read my name, Tamra, and thought that perhaps I was black. It's funny how these type of things can jog our memory. This particular speculation took me back twenty plus years to my time in college, where my roomates, having seen my name listed, expected a young lady of color to walk through the door. I've never thought of my name as having a color attached to it, so both of these experiences have been surprising and a bit funny to me.

     These two name-related thoughts brought others to mind as well. All of a sudden, thoughts concerning my name changed from a drip to a steady stream. Remember how you got your name, Tamra? Oh, yeah, that's right. My mom loved the name Meghan and really wanted to name me that. My dad, however had different ideas. He had friends with a darling little girl named Tamara. He thought she was the cutest thing ever and decided if he had a daughter she would carry that name minus the middle "a." He won, of course, and Tamra I am.

     But the thoughts didn't end there. The idea of my dad naming me reminded me of the special circumstances of my birth. You see, my mom somehow managed to sleep through her labor with me. By the time she awoke, there was no way they were making it to the hospital in time. My dad got on the phone with the hospital and a doctor asked him to describe what he saw. The doctor then told him to go wash his hands because he was going to be delivering a baby! Other instructions included: put water on to boil, get sheets, towels, and blankets, and find and sterilize some sort of string to tie off my umbilical cord. And so my father followed the doctor's step by step directions on the phone to bring me into the world. I did not breathe right away despite him cleaning out my mouth three times. Finally, his nerves getting the better of him, he jerked me up by my arm, which elicited a tiny cry from me. All of this happened with my six year old brother waiting in the car to go the hospital.... in the wee hours of the morning... on the Fourth of July. I shake my head in wonder about what an incredible bonding experience that must have been. And, always, disbelief sets in as I remember how my dad left us just five short months later. I always want to say, "What?!!!" It just doesn't make sense.

     So here am I, named after another by the one who insisted, yet didn't stick around. True to my personality, I have tried to look upon my name in a positive way rather than a negative one. I once had an extra credit assignment in the sixth grade consisting of finding the meaning of my name in a baby book. I learned way back then that my name means 'palm tree.' I am floored by the things I have learned over the years about the palm tree and how they relate to my Christian walk.

     To name a few, the palm tree bends but does not break. Tropical storms can pummel and drive it towards the ground, but when the wind and rain subsides it will stand right back up, stronger for the storm. It is flexible and resilient. It grows a deep taproot to seek out water during droughts. It can survive and, yes, flourish despite tough conditions. Even its sap runs deep within it, not close to the surface like other trees. So much about the palm tree speaks of it going deep! It's my desire to go deep with my Lord and those He gives me to love.

It's been neat for me to learn that the palm tree is an evergreen - a picture to me that God's love for me never changes. I also found out that the dust from the desert doesn't stick to the palm tree. In the same way,  the "dirt" of this life is not to cling to me because I am called to put off sin and offer my body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. Who would have guessed that He would have so much to say to me about my name?

          Lord, I am awed by the way that YOU picked my name out especially for me through an unbelieving father. You know the end from the beginning, nothing is hidden from You or takes You by surprise. I love how You constantly take things that bring me sadness and faithfully redeem them. You are so very tender with me! I cannot comprehend how you gave me a name before I even came to be, knowing that its meaning would parallel my life. Isaiah 49:16 reminds me that You have written, engraved, or inscribed my name on the palms of Your hands. I am thankful that You call me, Your sheep, by name and have written my name in the Book of Life. You are so very good to me! Finally, thank You for the promise held in Psalm 92:12 that, "The righteous will flourish like a palm tree..." Strengthen me to live in a way that will enable me to flourish for Your purposes and glory. In the name of JESUS I pray, Amen.

 

Wrapping Around Him

     It had been a tear-filled couple of days by the time Christmas 2011 arrived. As I had done the previous year, I decided to get out of the house and hike at a beloved park. I bundled up, grabbed my daughter, and headed out for some sunshine to help combat my blues. What a contrast this hike was to last year's hike on the same day. While snow was in abundance before, there was not a speck to be seen a year later. Walking on, I didn't miss the snow one bit. How I was enjoying the crisp air! Relaxation swept over me as my senses hungrily took in all that was to be had. We weren't too far into the hike when I came to the above picture. I could hear Him whispering to me, Look at how the tree has wrapped itself around the rock. Am I not your Rock? Will you wrap yourself around Me in the same way?

I filed His words in my head somewhere, reluctant to answer Him right away. The truth of the matter is that I felt as if I were already doing my best to trust Him in the midst of surviving some curveballs that had recently come my way. How I missed my mom and wished that this time of the year would not be a marker of her passing! Two separate phone conversations with family members had stirred up fear and sadness in my heart. The car keys were lost. The cold water wasn't working in the bathroom. The refrigerator was leaking and needed either fixed or replaced. There was the leaky faucet in the basement laundry room, necessitating the strategic placement of buckets to catch four different drips. A gift card had been misplaced with a sizable amount of money on it just in time for us to purchase items for Dmitri's first ever mission trip within the week.

His voice stayed with me that day, yet I still did not feel like answering. Instead, I stubbornly continued on in my sadness. I woke up the next day prepared to drag myself through the remainder of 2011, and disovered my command for that week in my Scripture memorization program: "Rejoice!" Really??? I was feeling pretty grumbly and not wanting to cooperate with whatever the Lord was up to with me. In spite of a bad attitude on my part, I rolled up my sleeves and got serious about memorizing that week's Scripture.

The next day I went into the basement and discovered a totally thawed out basket of food sitting on the floor. John had taken inventory of what we had to eat and had forgotten to put everything back into the freezer. Into the trash it all went and fear knocked on my heart again. I felt panicked as I thought, "Wait a minute, Lord! That's the food You provided for us when we needed it. Just like that it is gone and I am left having to put my faith into action. Do I really believe that You will take care of me or not?" Yes, I believed that He would take care of me, but I sure wasn't liking the way He was going about it! I remembered His question about whether or not I would wrap myself around Him, but I still didn't want to think about it just then. The best I could do was listen to songs that reminded me of who He is.

The next morning found us discovering that we had forgotten to turn the refrigerator back on after cleaning it. Many things were a mushy mess and went right into the trash can. How could this be happening again?!!! Hadn't I just shared with everyone on Facebook how He had met our needs? What, was I now supposed to go back and tell everyone, "Yeah, that thing about God taking care of my family? Well, you can just disregard that."? We would still have just enough food to eek by, but I could feel even the smallest bit of security I had left slipping away. I was not feeling particularly cheerful as I threw the last two meat items in the oven to use before they went bad. I thought about the Israelites and how they looked to the Lord on a daily basis to meet their needs. Again, the command to rejoice came to me and again the thought of wrapping myself around Him came to me. "Okay, Lord, okay," I relented.

So just how is this wrapping myself around Him supposed to look anyhow? I purposed to lock myself away in my bedroom with the Lord and not come out for an hour. I opened the blinds to let some natural light in and spread my materials out on the bed: Bible, three devotions, pad of paper, journal, pen, pencil, highlighters. I started by singing the prayer to the Holy Spirit and moved on with my devotions. A myriad of household noises made their way up to me, making it difficult for me to concentrate. No matter, I was gonna stick this out! Little by little, the noises became less distracting until I ceased to notice them at all. I sang choruses that He brought to mind. I doodled my memory verses in code, adding splashes of color to help me remember them. I prayed. I dug deeper into verses when He caused them to jump out at me. Oh, it was a glorious time, but the hour seemed to be up way too soon. I was left knowing that God wants me to trust Him enough to praise Him when things are not going well for me.The times that I don't feel my best and when I feel the most fearful. No circumstance that I face can ever change the fact that He is God and worthy of my praise. I could sit and write for months and months about His majesty as revealed in nature or His tenderness in transforming this heart of mine into one that beats for Him.

One of the greatest things He blessed me with during my time of wrapping around Him was new eyes to see Psalm 89:15, which says, "Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim You, who walk in the light of Your Presence, O LORD!"  Hmmm... I just had to look up the definition of acclaim. Acclaim means to praise enthusiastically and often publicly; applaud. As I grow in my faith walk, this business of acclaiming Him is something that I have gotten better and better at. And, praise God, there is a promise of blessing for me when I do it. Just like the verse says, it is something that is learned. It is giving the Lord credit where credit is due, even if it means humbling myself to share my failings. I'm guessing that having a heart that rejoices in doing that has a lot to do with my ability to walk in the light of His Presence. And I really want that!

Lord, You are entirely faithful! You have cared for me in every way, always drawing me nearer to Your heart. Thank You for the precious promise that You will bless me when I acclaim You. Help me to always proclaim who You are and what You are doing in my life. Forgive me for allowing earthly concerns to harden my heart, causing me to stop up my ears to what You would say to me - the very things that would bring me relief. How thankful I am that You never give up on me! I am Yours, Lord, use me as You will. Only please soften my heart to accept (with joy) whatever ways You choose to work in me and through me for Your glory. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen. 

God's Love Gift

     This time of year always finds me in a reflective state of mind. During the month of December I especially focus on keeping my mind stayed on my beautiful Lord. There are many things to tug on me: that balance between doing too much or too little, the sadness that accompanies memories of my mom passing away at this time, the stories recounting man's depravity and our need for a Savior....
    
I have made it my practice to consciously look for God's love gift to me each day. In my neediness I find it necessary to remind myself that I am dearly loved and that He likes to lavish me with good gifts. Most of the year I keep them hidden in my heart, but I let my guard down enough to share them with friends during the month of December when so much of the world is focusing on Christmas gifts. Believe it or not, I can be a very private person, which means that sharing can be hard for me. I can never quite shake the feeling, though, that the Lord likes to use me to show other people how He loves and that we don't have to have it all together. So I obey Him in sharing my successes, failures, fears, embarrassments... and always His goodness.

     The picture I am sharing is one of  His love gifts to me. I had been walking with the kids down our street to the neighborhood VBS with a million things on my mind. I was feeling the stress of hoping to make VBS happen for our special needs son.... wondering how he would do even with me by his side the entire time.... wondering if they would show him Christ's love at this church. I was thinking about my husband being out of work, my oldest son getting ready to start college, and about where we would live since the court had ordered our divorcing landlords to sell the home we lived in. I was thinking about what I needed to do to pull everything together for a new homeschool year. On top of those things, there was that constant underlying uneasiness about all of the robberies that were taking place on our block... so much so that we didn't even like to leave the house. We felt like prisoners, yet we were blessed to have a place to live... who knew where we would be going and how long before we would need to go? There are probably tons of things that I am forgetting these months later, but I've tried to give you a snapshot in that moment of time concerning where I was in my head as we made our way down the street.

     My daughter's voice broke into my thoughts in such a way that made me shake myself back to the here and now. "Look!," she was saying. "Look at that!" I briefly paused to investigate what she was so excited about, fully expecting to give the Go-To response that we moms use way too much: "Uh huh... that's nice." My eyes tracked the place that she was pointing to in the sky, and fell on this gorgeous heart-shaped cloud. Stopped me dead in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. I get it, Lord, I get it. You love me. You will take care of me. You KNOW. You are with me. It's gonna be okay. What a beautiful gift for me at the exact moment that I needed it.

     As we wrap up 2011, I realize that I cannot even number the gifts He's blessed me with. In all honesty, I wouldn't have chosen many of the gifts that He lavished on me. :o) He knows so much better what I need than I do, though. I find myself in an incredibly sweet place of utter dependence. I am amazed at all He's done in my life... the way He blesses when I obey... how He patiently reminds me of His love for me... the work that He continues to do in me.

     Speaking of the work that He continues to do in me... recently, I've been shocked by another of His love gifts to me: I am becoming a hugger. Yes, you read that correctly... a hugger. Unbelievable, isn't it? The truly great part about that is His revelation as to why it's such a love gift: it shows that His loving is winning me over. Praise God! Hugging is such an intimate thing requiring one to allow others to be close to them. A person with fear and trust issues, such as myself, often times wants to run in the opposite direction when it is time to get to hugging. I don't know how it happened, but I've been noticing that I hug more often than not now... and it makes me happy! He has shown me how it is His love spilling out of me to others. The more I have filled my heart with His Word and the things of Him, the more love I have had for others. And the more I fill my heart with the things of Him, the more I am able to trust Him... and trust Him enough to love others like He tells me to. Sometimes it means giving a listening ear, while other times it means humbly sharing my weaknesses. Sometimes that even means giving a big hug! It has been an amazing transformation and I give Him all of the glory for it. 

     Lord, thank You for loving me as You do. In your lovingkindness, You have given me abundant reasons to put my trust in You more fully. You never cease to bless me when I obey You, just like You tell me You will do in Your Word. I love that You are my shield (offering protection to one who oftentimes feels unsafe) and my very great reward. You say that You will reward those who diligently seek You, and I now see that, ultimately, the reward is the finding of You. What a blessing! I love You, Lord. Thanks for loving me, too.

Your dearly loved daughter, Tamra.