Think About Such Things

This week was all about the vine in my devotional time. It all began to unfurl one morning while reading in Ezekiel 15 where Jerusalem is likened to a useless vine. For whatever reason, this particular thought captivated me. Up to that point the mention of a vine had always taken my mind to Christ's words in the fifteenth chapter of John: "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Ezekiel talks about how wood from trees can be made into useful things, but vines are only used to fuel fires. I remembered seeing these relatively large-sized vines on my hikes at Munroe Falls earlier this year. Though quite large (for vines), it is true that they can't be used as effectively as wood from a tree. I thought of the huge quantity of dried morning glory vines that I had used for bonfire kindling. I mentally concurred that vines would probably be perfect to get a fire started or keep it burning.

That word, useless, kept speaking to my heart. I thought of the useless things in my own life: the fear, doubt, grumbling, impatience, reluctance to accept love. None of these things bring about what God desires in me. All of these things must go if I am to be more like Him. My thoughts jumped back to the useless vines fueling fires and I wondered if God might take my useless things and use them to fuel the fires with which He refines me.

Fast forward a few days to Thanksgiving. I had asked my prayer partner to pray specifically for this week as the holidays are difficult for me. I had happily made it through the day before relatively unscathed. Even with a sick child and a stressful cake baking episode, I had only spoken irritably one time. I had been able to check myself nearly immediately and enjoyed the victorious feeling. But then Thanksgiving.

I had done so many things ahead of time to ensure that I would have a better chance at coping with everything on the actual day. Unfortunately, things (and people) happen. Early in the day I began taking all of the serving dishes and pans out that I would be using. I organized my thoughts on paper and got some foods cooking. All went well for a few hours until it was time to prepare the turkey.

The turkey. The turkey that my Facebook friends had helped me find a great deal on. The turkey that I had begun thawing several days too early just to make sure that it would be ready. The turkey that I had checked nearly every day to guage its thawing progress. The turkey that I had neglected to check one last time before bed on Thanksgiving eve. Had I checked it, perhaps I would have noticed that my husband, for whatever reason, and after putting up with a lowered refrigerator temperature all week long, had decided to significantly raise the temperature setting. The night before.

The appointed time for me to begin on the turkey arrived. John lifted it out of the fridge for me and said, "Hmmm. This is a lot harder than I remember it being." Rock hard, to be exact. I felt my flesh rising and had to bite back tears. I began soaking the bird in cold water. I had heard about salt in the water helping to quicken the thaw when in a pinch so I liberally sprinkled some into the water and on the turkey itself. In order to keep myself walking somewhat victoriously, I decided to go to my bedroom for quiet time with the Lord. The plan was to give the turkey an hour, after which time I would check its progress and be on my way. The hour flew by. Unfortunately, the turkey bath water slowly leaked down the drain and it didn't soak the way I thought it would.

John got online to see what could be done with a pretty solid turkey and assured me that we could cook it that way since we were putting it into an oven bag. I explained that we couldn't do that because there were bags of the turkey's organs frozen somewhere inside. I had yet to get it thawed enough to even find them, let alone pull them out. Because the whole ordeal was his fault, John determined that he would get them out so that we could cook it as usual. I asked him to just let it set for a while and told him that we just wouldn't eat turkey that day if it came down to it. This, however, was an impossiblity in his mind. He would not be deterred. He battled with the turkey, slamming it around in the sink and making all kinds of noise in the kitchen. I went in shortly thereafter to find that he had, in fact, found a way to remove the bags of organs. He also managed to break the skin open in several places and pull one of the drumsticks out of socket so that it hung limply.

I looked at the pathetic turkey, a big misshapen heap laying on the cookie sheet, and began to cry. Something about it forced me to come face to face with a misbelief that I battle with. The enemy's voice began playing in my mind: "Just look at that turkey. It is pitiful and broken.... just like you." I knew it was a lie, but I was feeling sorry for myself and allowed it to stick a bit more than it should have. I thought of how I can't seem to get with it no matter how hard I try. How everything seems to be a struggle for me. How I am such an incapable homemaker. How I don't deserve to be loved. Thankfully, I was able to shake the thoughts from my mind relatively quickly. "No, I am dearly loved and redeemed. God has special plans for me. I am not pitiful and broken." I reminded myself of the verse that the Lord had given me during my quiet time when I had asked Him to help me be thankful that very day:

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

I began to take my thoughts captive and refute the lies of the enemy. The day was saved. Though I remained quiet for much of Thanksgiving, I was able to side-step what could have been much worse. In deciding to share my experience, I remembered this picture taken in the spring. At the time, it had spoken to me because of the circular shape of the vine. A circle. The shape of completion. It had reminded me of God's never ending love. As I look at the picture now, I comprehend the truth of that more fully. God, in His infinite love, has promised that He will complete the work He has begun in me. That means that He will faithfully continue to purge my life of the useless things in it that keep me from becoming more like Him. He can use these very things to show me how much I need Him. And He, in his goodness, will help me overcome. He is is worthy to be praised!

Thank you, Lord, that you never give up on me. Though I can scarcely believe it, you see so much more in me than I do. You delight in transforming hearts and lives, mightily using those which the world considers weak. Help me to more quickly refute the lies of the evil one and victoriously walk the path you have for me. Psalm 18:35 says, "You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great." Your Word is precious and alive! My heart overflows with thanksgiving for all You have done and all You will do. In the loving name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Haste the Day

I have an unmistakable leading about this particular picture, which was taken on a recent hike of the Springfield Bog. One of the newer Metro Park trails, it holds something delightful in every season. Sure, the other parks, do too, ... in a different kind of way. Prairie-like in its makeup, the wide open nature of its composition just feels markedly unique. We have enjoyed watching it from its infancy, rushing out to hike it on January 5, 2011, the very first day that it opened to the public. It has been interesting to observe its metamorphosis over the months.

From day one, there was talk in the Metro Parks publications that a man-made bog had been tucked away somewhere in the center of the property. Curious as I was, I could never quite catch a glimpse of it. I was aware of the general area that it must be located, but I just had to take their word for it. I guess that I had enough of the legalist left in me to prevent me from departing from the marked path and blazing a trail through the overgrown vegetation in search of the bog. So I waited... and wondered... and hoped for the chance to eventually see it.

Much to my delight, on our last visit, a wide swath of grass opened up from the side of the trail. Veering off the path, and gently sloping downward, it led in the general direction that I believed the bog to be in. Seizing the opportunity to finally investigate, we followed the new-found path a short jaunt away. Momentarily, we came upon what I had been waiting for. It was towards sunset and I was not disappointed by the beauteous sight that awaited us. There it was! I had known it was there, pretty much by faith, and it boosted my spirits to be able to see it.

So many things come to mind when I think of the spiritual parallels of this experience. I am reminded that God calls me to live by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Especially in the area of God's promises, I need to remember that what He says is true even when I don't see it. Just as I had hope that my eyes would one day see the bog in this picture, I can hope in the fulfillment of what is presently unseen, but true nonetheless. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12). One day I will see! Oh, how the thought thrills me. No more wondering, waiting, doubting, or fearing. I will know.

In closing, I echo the words of Horatio Gates Spafford: "And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be as sight..."

I love You, Lord. I am so grateful for your presence. Thank You for this tremendous mental image of walking by faith. Forgive me for the times when my faith has wobbled due to my inability to see. I pray that You will enable me to be counted among those You call blessed because they have not seen and yet believe. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief! Thank You for the promise that I will one day see.
In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

The Peace of God

 

I can't help but take a deep breath each time I see this picture. It evokes such feelings of serenity, causing relaxation to sweep over me. Being the visual person I am, I can almost imagine myself physically taking PEACE and wrapping myself in it the way we bundle up for sledding. There's nothing quite as satisfying as that feeling of being enveloped by peace.

 

Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Thankfully, I've been inexplicably living this out first-hand more often than not lately. Truly, there are some days where I stand back amazed and think, "Okay, who in the world just lived out this day in my skin? Because surely I am not capable of functioning at such a level of simple obedience with my flesh constantly screaming for me to feed it."

 

God's Word has been my everything. I read it, I do it, ... and the peace settles all over me. He tells me to trust Him so I've got to trust Him. And all of a sudden I am living out Isaiah 26:3 - "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

 

This consciously doing what He tells me has accomplished so much in me! When something doesn't make sense, I do it anyhow, because, well, He tells me to. He loves me and wants the best for me. I'm gonna need to cooperate with Him in order to maximize whatever it is He wants to do in and through me.

 

So... that means that when someone rudely dismisses me at a function (after I just spent the entire car ride over praying for their important role), I take it to the Lord. I give the hurt to Him, think about how I may have perceived things differently than they really were, continue to pray out of a heart of love, and ask for His strength. My end result ended up being a chance to bless this person in a tangible way - and I was so glad that I had put on the Spirit rather than the flesh. Though we have many differences, I now think of this person with fondness rather than with bitterness. God tells me in Colossians 3:13 to "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."The same verse in the New Living Translation says to make allowances for each other's faults. I love that! We are to make allowances for one another's faults. How freeing! And because the Lord loves to bless obedience, I am the very grateful recipient of a new blanketing of peace each time I choose to do this.

 

We're into our fifth week of homeschooling. As it turns out, it's one of those years where I did not purchase one book. Some years are more bountiful than others with the schooling budget. It seems that some time during the end of our last school year the Lord kept impressing the truth of Matthew 6:33 on me: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." So, how does that look in my life? Well, for starters, I've got a struggling reader. We've dozens of readers on our bookshelves and a library less than a mile from our home, but I sensed that I needed to trust Him in this area. The new reading curriculum for this particular child is the Bible. Period. We're working through Psalms and the improvement has astounded me. I've another child who struggles to speak the simplest of words. The cure? Praying with him always about everything. How it blesses me to hear him speaking in ways that seemed impossible not so long ago. The simple act of infusing everything we do with the Lord seems like it would be so easy, yet too many times He can be an aterthought as I seek my own kingdom.

 

We've been volunteering at a local mission on a monthly basis for two years. Circumstances have made it difficult for us to finish out the last few months of our commitment. It takes some doing to fill our spots with helpers each month because things pop up. Life gets in the way and my family is sometimes left to fill in the empty places. Recently, I felt burn-out knocking on the door to my heart. I went to the Lord about it and begged Him to help me finish strong in His strength rather than my own. I knew I could not continue and asked Him to step in and be glorified. I asked that He would help us to be a special blessing on that particular day. He loves it when we pray those kinds of things! As a result, we opted to go the extra mile and make our famous multi-colored cut-out cookies in the shape of a cross. They take a lot of work and we had to bring double the usual amount. Though we used to make them regularly, it had been many, many months since we had last done so. We all chipped in, reasonably cheerfully, and got the job done. I cannot begin to tell you how He blessed us! We had the opportunity to work with two residents who readily shared their testimonies with us. Everyone oohed and aahed over our cookies and the kitchen cook asked for the recipe. We were even invited to stay over to eat lunch. I departed with peace firmly cemented in my heart, the feelings of inadequacy and fatigue having been chased out. Praise God!

 

I could go on and on with other examples. Like making my husband's favorite meal rather than retaliating when we're butting heads. Or praying all of the time for a one-time close friend who has walked away from our friendship, wounding me deeply. Or thanking God when the temporary employment assignment ends, because surely He loves me and will bring something beautiful out of the pain of it all somehow. The bottom line is: peace can be mine if I rely on God's Word to guide me through each and every action throughout my days. I cannot just read it and not do it.

 

Father, I fall before you. I am humbled by the way You make yourself known to me and work in my life. You know how the enemy has been on a rampage ever since I first began making the connection between the peace I've been experiencing and consciously doing what You tell me to do in your Word. Strengthen me, your dearly loved daughter, to live simply for You, obeying You more and more. Cause my soul to follow hard after You, Precious Lord. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

 

 

Bathed in Light

I love this picture! My youngest daughter and I noticed how beautiful the sky looked one evening last week. I, of course, wanted my beloved evergreens to be in the picture as well. I couldn't have been happier with the image that stared back at me from my camera after I depressed the button. It was one of those few speical ones that I capture from time to time.

As I write this blog entry, I have been largely disconnected for a month from the online community I once enjoyed. It was so hard at first, but I feel like the Lord had been moving me in that direction for quite some time. However, I had been reluctant to go that route until last month. So what has this past month been like?

For starters, I have had more time with the Lord. I knew that Facebook was taking up some of my time, but I don't think I realized just how much. It just wasn't my physical time either. I have realized that it was taking a lot of my mental time and energy, to the point of frazzling me! I found myself feeling all kinds of things that I don't think were helpful in my walk: fear, self-loathing (from comparison), frustration, to name a few. It seemed like my mind would never slow down.

All at once, I quit feeding all of that negativity and things began to quiet down. I had time to catch up on my work in the year-long Scripture memory program I had undertaken a while back. I had time to actually meditate on my devotions and Bible readings. Without the distraction of Facebook, I was able to concentrate more fully on taking care of my family and my home. In fact, over a period of two weeks, I taught my daughter how to swim and ride her bike. I have been able to consistently practice things that I have longed to do, but had somehow never quite gotten there.

Though this photo is stunning to me, it reminds me of something not as pretty: my own darkness. I see the silhouette of the trees in the light of the setting sun and it speaks to me. You see, the more I have bathed myself in God's light (immersing myself in His Word and endeavoring to really do what He tells me to do) the more I see my own sinfulness. I have such a long way to go, but I am thankful that He is perfecting me each and every day. I can only trust that I, despite my many imperfections, will look beautiful against the backdrop of His glorious light.

Onwards to Maturity

     The girls and I happened upon this interesting little wildflower while checking out a showier purple one beside it. Nearly walking right past it, my eyes settled on it as I made my way back to the trail. Recognition briefly registered in my mind causing my footfall to slow to a halt. Pineapple-weed? Could it be? On my mental list of wildflowers I hope to spy, I had seen it in my field guide many times. I excitedly snapped the photo, to use for final identification later.

     Upon returning home, I loaded the pictures and began poring over my books. It sure did look like what I was hoping for. I read about the characteristics of this wildflower. Apparently it would emit a strong pineapple scent if its flowers or leaves are crushed. Well I hadn't tested it that way! I'd have to go back the next day.

     We did return the following day, excitedly talking amongst ourselves in the car about who would be the first one to check for the smell. Upon further inspection, the flowers did, indeed, have a sweet pineapple smell when crushed. How exciting! A highlight in a dreary sort of week for me.

     I was thankful to hear the Lord "speak" to me concerning this plant. He reminded me about the beautiful fragrance that resulted from the crushing. Don't you forget, Tamra, how I do this in your life. Oftentimes you feel beaten down. Remember that the sweetness comes from the crushing. Okay, Lord, I hear You.

     The more I find out about this flower, the more fascinating it seems to me. Interestingly, it tends to grow in places where it is constantly trampled upon. Hmmm.... I think I can relate to that feeling! What I cannot exactly relate to, though, is that the rough treatment hardly ever hurts this plant. Its resiliency causes it to thrive in spite of the beating it routinely takes. Oh.

     Lord, You always meet me where I am. You know that I am discouraged and hard-pressed on every side. How thankful I am that I have You to cling to while walking through the valley! I want to be mindful of what it is You are doing in my life. Remind me on a daily basis how profitable suffering is in bringing me to maturity in You. Help me not to give up when it feels like too much. Cause me, through my crushing, to be a sweet aroma not only to You, but to those You would place in my life. I want others to be blessed through my experiences, Lord. Help me to persevere and even possess inexplicable joy for the journey. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

What Love Does

The Lord has been convicting and comforting me with this scene from one of our recent spring hikes. On this particular day, I had wanted to beat the rain and search for wildflowers. All had proceeded according to plan until we reached the last fourth of the hike. At that point, the wind began gusting, dark clouds rolled in, and rain drops began pelting us. There was nowhere to go but forward - so forward we went! While hustling along, I turned to see how my oldest and youngest sons were coming along. My heart melted as soon as I beheld the sight that was waiting for me.

I came home and shared with my Facebook friends: "Well, it did rain on us. And this is what Love does..." Such a beautiful visual of how the Lord walks with us, loving and protecting us, every step of the way. I cannot tell you how many times this picture has popped into my mind since then - probably on a daily basis. It is comforting to dwell on the reality of the Lord walking with me through life's storms in this very way.

As is often the case, the Lord has continued to draw more and more out of this incident for me as the days have gone on. He has used one detail of the picture in particular to speak to me:  Levi's reaction to the unpleasant rain that is falling around him. You'll notice that his hands cover his ears, his eyes are cast down, and his head is bent. The more I study the picture, the more I cannot deny that I am looking at myself. How many times I do this!

Too often I find myself in this same exact posture as I walk through life. I clap my hands over my ears, rushing on, hoping the storm will soon end. The problem with this is that it is symbolic of me not listening to Him. Each situation has the potential to do such good in my life if I will just get over myself and open my ears to what He is saying to me.

My lowered eyes speak to me of my sometimes stubborn refusal to see what He has placed in front of me. Lately, I have been surprised to find myself grieving concerning things I thought I had dealt with to a greater degree than I have. I am now realizing that I most likely formed protective walls around pieces of my mind and heart rather than fully absorb the pain and accept what He had allowed to pass through His fingers and into my life. I guess it was just easier to do that than let my eyes drink in the reality of the present at the time.

I see a head that is bent under the weight of all that I carry in my heart. The sadness... the denial... the all-encompassing fear. As I trudge on, I can almost hear myself saying, "I don't like this! I don't want to do this! This isn't the life I dreamed for myself. Please, when is it going to stop?" Sadly enough, I find that I do this when the storm hasn't even arrived yet! I have a mindset that expects and dreads the tough things that must surely be coming my way. How this must hurt my Savior!

Father... what to say on days like this when I am faced with my own inadequacies? Thank You for my weaknesses. They really do make my life a stage that showcases Your incomprehensible strength. Forgive me for not practicing often enough what You so graciously teach me. The things I carry are too heavy for me, I know this. Please help me to lay them down and walk unhindered in Your love. Free me to see, hear, and feel all You desire for Me. Help me to embrace each and every step. You know how the enemy attempts to fill my mind - help me to refute his lies, searching for and finding Your Truth. You know what You are doing and I can tust You. Thank You for the assurance that You do walk beside me just like this, loving Me and showing concern for my welfare. You are so faithful to me, Your dearly loved daughter. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Detours

Wow! We are really just days away from Good Friday and Easter. It seemed to come so fast this year. I couldn't stand the thought of my blues carrying over into this Passion Week, which prompted me to petition the Lord for some help. I did not want to gloss over what this week is all about without really feeling it. I asked that He help me even more to see Him everywhere. That I have eyes to see and ears to hear. As a result, I have been intentional about not missing a thing. If something bothers me, I have been digging deep to find something in it to thank Him for. It's amazing how this one thing has helped.

Truly, it seems that I've been seeing Him everywhere I look and in everything I do. Just today we were poking holes in an orange to make a pomander ball and I kept thinking how Christ was pierced for our transgressions. This was what I wanted when I asked Him for help: a renewed awareness of the sacrifice He made. I want to remember. I didn't want this week to be like all of the others.

Little did I know how different this week would be. It seems that I have been granted a reprieve from the fog that had descended. My eyes are seeing. Praise God, my stopped up ears are hearing. I guess that perspective really is everything.

I've two special things to share about the first few days of this week. The first concerns my precious Levi. Usually a day doesn't go by without the cold finger of fear tapping on my shoulder concerning him. It's pretty relentless and exhausting. There is always lots for me to talk about with the Lord when it comes to him. Being ultra aware of the meaning of this week caused me to dwell on the fact that Levi is not at that point mentally. I wondered if he ever would be. I had one of those honest times of prayer where I laid this particular fear of mine before the Lord. I begged Him to give Levi an awareness of the Gospel. "Cause him to understand, Lord," I begged. As soon as the words left my mouth, I was horrified as a new thought pummeled me. "What if he gains the ability to comprehend the salvation message, but rejects it? Then it would have been better if he hadn't grasped it in the first place! I thought, "What are you praying? You can't pray stuff like that casually!" Oh, Lord, please let him embrace You! Let him understand, but more importantly, draw Him to yourself through Your Spirit. Cause Him to love you deeply." I was so relieved to have "caught" that and covered it in prayer. 

The very next morning found me sitting in on Levi's Sunday school class because of an impending transition that is to be made. I was able to observe him in this place where servants give of themselves each week to teach little ones about the love of God. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Levi sat for what seemed to me a lengthy amount of time for a lesson. The teacher held up pictures and walked the kids through parts of the Easter story. Levi sat. They listened to the rest of the story on a CD.... and still Levi sat twisting his lip as he often does. And then something happened that made my heart jump in my chest. The voice on the CD said, "And then the soldiers took Jesus and nailed Him to a cross." Immediately, my somber faced little boy, with much sadness, uttered one quiet word: "NOoooo."

No what??? No, I don't want to sit here anymore? ... No, I don't like that? ...No, I don't want to listen to this anymore? Or maybe it was, "No. They shouldn't do that bad thing to Jesus. He is nice. He loves me.... and I love Him." Just maybe awareness is dawning. Jesus is an everyday part of our lives, but we never know how much of it Levi is understanding. It is such a burden to carry the weight of your child's eternity around in your heart. And with Levi it's different because there is so much that I don't know. But I can be sure that God knows! And I think that this little instance was kind of like a reassuring hug from Him reminding me He loves Levi, His strength is unlimited, and He is capable of working in his mind and heart.

The second instance occurred during a hike with my daughter today. We had a wonderful time, but as we drew near the last fourth of the hike we encountered a trail closed sign. We had to turn back and return a different way that we had never walked before. Surprisingly, I wasn't grumbly about the change and took the opportunity to keep my eyes peeled for whatever He might show me. It wasn't long before we came upon the flower pictured above. Just one of them. It is a Large-Flowered Trillium and it was a love gift to me today.

I had just been thinking about this flower a few days ago and had hoped that I would come across one soon. You see, this particular flower is perfect for Passion Week as it always makes me think about Christ. It is a dazzling white, reminiscant of His purity and the cleansing of our sins. Additionally, it always makes me think of the Trinity because it has three petals. I heard His whisper as I paused to admire and photograph it: "A gift for you along this detour that you find yourself on." And suddenly I could see a small glimpse of the bigger picture. "Daughter, you become discouraged when things don't go as you would choose. You wonder why you have to go along the way I lay out before you instead of the way you would go. If you had finished this hike the way you planned, you never would have come upon this flower that you've been longing to see. And so it is with many of your prayers. There are things that you ask of me that cannot be found along the paths that you would tread, but only along the way that I lead you in. Yes, the way can sometimes seem long and scary, but I am always with You.  Let this remind you that detours often contain wonderful surprises. Look for beauty in all of your circumstances because it is there to be seen if you really look for it. 

I don't think that I'll ever look at another detour the same. I hear You, Lord. Yes, I'll look for the beauty. I'll obey You in this thing. You amaze me with Your wisdom - it's too much for me to even comprehend. Thank You for a renewed sense of hope this week. Please use me to bring Your hope to someone else this week. In the Saving Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.